Can Your Marriage Survive Infidelity?
Your marriage can survive this onslaught of feelings. However, some marriages are not meant to be saved. If infidelity is one of many symptoms of domestic violence and/or emotional abuse in your relationship you will never feel safe enough to work through your problems. These are very entrenched issues that are often not changeable. May 07, · But how many survive the affair is a less often discussed. Now, a new survey by the healthcare company Health Testing Centers may just have an answer. The survey polled people who admitted to cheating while in a committed relationship, and found that more than half ( percent) broke up immediately after the truth came out.
While why men cheat and why women cheat tend to differ, there's no denying that infidelity is not uncommon for both sexes. We often talk about why and how zurvive people cheat—the most recent General Social Survey found that 20 percent of married men and 13 percent of married women had admitted to cheating. But how many survive the affair is a less often discussed. Now, a new survey by the healthcare company Health Testing Centers may just have an answer.
The survey polled people who admitted to cheating while in a committed relationship, and found that what was the hottest year ever recorded than half Another 30 percent tried to stay together but broke up eventually, and only Interestingly enough, the statistics surrounding whether or not people decided to stay together varied significantly based on their relationship status.
Almost a quarter There are also gender disparities, as infifelity were almost twice as likely to say they were still with their partner reoationship a confession of infidelity. And the nature of the affair also ifidelity a role, considering that The biggest reasons for confessing to an affair were guilt 47 percentfollowed by wanting to let their partner know they were unhappy But, worryingly, only one in four people who cheated how to drive squirrels out of your attic they admitted it to their partner, and roughly the same amount said they got caught, pointing to the fact that signs of infidelity are often easier to miss than we might want to believe.
People who were married were also more likely to wait longer to confess than those in committed relationships— Among those who decided to not break up immediately, 61 percent of cheaters said their partner implemented rules and consequences as a result of the affair. The majority Other common regulations included avoiding certain friends, limitations on going out, letting their partner access their social media, and withholding sex.
Interestingly enough, only roughly 30 percent of cheaters said their partner demanded that they end the affair, relatiomship Once again, there was a gender disparity when it came to post-affair life: Male cheaters were more likely to be asked to go out less and have sex withheld from them, whereas female cheaters were more likely to have their phones monitored and not be allowed to see certain friends.
One way or another, it's clear that infidelity can get messy, and the decision on whether to stay or go is not an easy one to make.
For a personal testimony on this, read My Spouse Cheated. Here's Why I Didn't Leave. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram! All Rights Reserved. Open side menu button. Whether you stay or go has a lot to do with your gender and relationship status. By Diana Bruk May 7, Diana is a senior editor who writes about sex and relationships, modern dating trends, and health and wellness.
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Aug 05, · When someone experiences a violation like an infidelity, it can cause a person to experience symptoms of grief. In this article, you will learn about the grief caused by infidelity, what you can do to survive feelings of grief and severe depression after infidelity in a relationship, and how to best manage this difficult period of your life. Although infidelity is the main reason unmarried couples who are living together split up, the same is not true of married couples. Married couples often cite being incompatible or unable to. Infidelity definitely falls into the “worse” category, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage. With communication, healing, love, patience, effort, and renewed trust, you can build a new—and better—marriage with the same partner and create a new life together.
After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, intense emotions and recurrent crises are the norm. The good news, however, is that the majority of relationships not only survive infidelity, but marriage and family therapists have observed that many marriages can become stronger and more intimate after couples therapy. Infidelity is one of the most common presenting problems for marriage and family therapists.
It is devastating to relationships and can be one of the more difficult problems to treat. The causes of infidelity are complex and varied.
Affairs can occur in happy relationships as well as in troubled ones. And while the majority of affairs happen as the result of relational dissatisfaction, they also happen as a result of personal dissatisfaction and low self-esteem.
In such cases, the involved partner may be unaware of his or her contribution to what is lacking in the relationship. Satisfactory relationships hinge on reciprocity and a prolonged imbalance of give and take can easily lead to unhappiness. In addition to low self —esteem, reasons for infidelity include relationship deficits such as a lack of affection, or a social context in which infidelity is condoned.
Multiple affairs may be symptomatic of an addiction to sex, love or romance. Love and romance addicts are driven by the passion of a new relationship. Sexual addicts are compulsively attracted to the high and the anxiety release of sexual orgasm. But such release comes with a cost to his or her self-esteem, resulting in feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Conversely, philanderers who perceive sex outside of a long-term relationship as an entitlement of gender or status take advantage of opportunities without guilt or withdrawal symptoms. In the age of social media and technology, a new crisis of infidelity often referred to as the emotional affair has emerged. People who never intended to be unfaithful are unwittingly crossing the line from platonic friendships into romantic relationships, particularly in the workplace and on the Internet.
Emotional affairs differ from platonic friendships in that there is 1 greater emotional intimacy than in the long-term relationship, 2 the involved partner engages in secrecy and deception, and 3 there is often sexual chemistry.
Internet affairs, which cause relational distress despite lack of actual physical contact, exemplify emotional affairs. In some instances combined-type affairs occur in which intercourse outside of the primary relationship occurs within a deep emotional attachment. This type of infidelity will have the most disruptive impact on committed relationships such as marriage or long-term coupling. Vulnerabilities for infidelity can be linked to relationship problems such as conflict avoidance, fear of intimacy, or life cycle changes like the transition to parenthood, and empty nesting.
Some dissatisfied partners begin an external relationship as a way of exiting an unhappy relationship. And frequently the involved partner will re-write the relational history in order to justify an ongoing affair. It is unreasonable to compare a forbidden love affair that is maintained by romantic idealization with the routine familiarity of marriage and long-term coupling. Following the initial disclosure of an affair, it is common for both partners to experience depression, including suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and a profound sense of loss.
The reactions of the injured party can begin as acute stress that quickly resemble the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Common reactions to the loss of innocence and shattered assumptions include obsessively pondering details of the affair; continuously watching for further signs of betrayal; and physiological hyper-arousal, flashbacks and intrusive images. The most severely traumatized are those who had the greatest trust and were the most unsuspecting. The involved partner may fear that they will be punished forever for the betrayal while they grieve for the lost dreams associated with the affair.
During the initial assessment a marriage and family therapist will help the couple clarifying the purpose of treatment by externalizing the options. After an affair, couples who want to rebuild their relationship need to resolve any ambivalence about staying in the relationship, or work toward separating in a constructive way. One partner may want to reconcile while the other is still ambivalent or has decided to leave. Either way, painful emotions will get activated inside and outside of the therapy room.
The injured partner feels angry while the involved partner commonly struggles with feelings of shame and guilt. Most family therapists work with the couple together as the primary approach. However, in cases of an ambivalent or a severely agitated partner, the therapist may suggest some individual therapy sessions. When working with infidelity therapists often use an integrative approach best suited to the couple. There are a number of modalities such as experiential and emotion focused therapy that a therapist can use when treating infidelity.
Regardless of the theoretical preference guiding the recovery process treatment is rooted in a common ground approach that emphasizes safety and forgiveness. In the initial stages of therapy, the primary task is to establish safely and address painful emotions and traumatic symptoms. In essence, the therapist needs to manage and stabilize the emotional reaction to the affair, and also get a clear picture of the circumstances surrounding the affair.
Understanding the vulnerabilities for the infidelity and telling the story of the affair allow couples to move toward the final phase of therapy— forgiveness. Successful outcomes are closely linked to the development of empathy and hope in each partner— one of mutual exploration with a compassionate process.
Establishing and maintaining safety is a crucial part of treatment. Recovery cannot begin until contact with the affair partner is terminated. Stopping an affair does not just mean ending sexual intercourse. All personal discussions, coffee breaks and phone calls must also be stopped. When the affair partner is a co-worker, the contact must be strictly business, and necessary or unplanned encounters must be shared with the spouse in order to rebuild trust.
Telling the story of the affair is not easy for either partner. A guiding principle is how information will enhance healing.
The injured partner may engage in a destructive process of interrogation and defensiveness, which never promotes healing, even if the answers are truthful. The initial discussions commonly resemble the adversarial interaction between a detective and a criminal. Simple facts such as who, what, where and when can be answered during the early stage of therapy to relieve some of the pressure for information.
It is preferable to delay complex questions about motivations and explicit details about sexual intimacy until the process itself is more healing. The disclosure process evolves in therapy from a truth-seeking inquisition to the neutral process of information seeking — similar to a journalist and an interviewee.
If you or someone you know is experiencing distress, therapy with a marriage and family therapist MFT can help. The marriage is stronger and is couple-centered; the dyadic relationship is a priority. The vulnerabilities for infidelity are understood and addressed as they occur. The couple has developed trust, commitment, mutual empathy, and a shared responsibility for change. The Impact of Discovery Following the initial disclosure of an affair, it is common for both partners to experience depression, including suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and a profound sense of loss.
Treatment and Recovery During the initial assessment a marriage and family therapist will help the couple clarifying the purpose of treatment by externalizing the options. Find a Therapist If you or someone you know is experiencing distress, therapy with a marriage and family therapist MFT can help. Find an MFT. Understanding the Benefits of Marriage and Family Therapy. Signs of Healing and Recovery The marriage is stronger and is couple-centered; the dyadic relationship is a priority.
Resources Glass, S. Shattered vows. Psychology Today , pp. Online Resources Affairs-Help. Last updated July